Busting The Myth Of “Don’t Air Out Your Dirty Laundry” / “Rufele Murdare Se Spala In Familie”
Author: Romeo Pelle
Busting The Myth Of “Don’t Air Out Your Dirty Laundry”
Ever heard the saying “Don’t air out your dirty laundry,” or “What happens in the family stays in the family”? (The Romanian version sounds like this: “Rufele murdare se spala in familie.”) It seems that more than other communities, our Romanian community is deeply ingrained with the belief that when something negative happens, both at individual or family levels, it should be kept and dealt with secretly.
Barriers enhancing the myth
Trust Issues:
- Personal past experiences – Often, people who struggle to trust others, have also struggled in past relationships. For these people it is especially important to undertake their healing work in order to allow them to enjoy the full possibilities of their relationships.
- Known or heard experiences of ministers/clergy that failed the trust of the community they were supposed to serve, due to their personal immoral behavior(s).
- Known or heard experiences of counselors that broke the ethical and professional standards of clergy/parishioner or counselor/client confidentiality.
- Gossip
Family & Culture Upbringing:
Human beings are (in developmental psychology terminology) a product of both “nurture” and “nature.” “Nature” refers to one’s genetic endowment, and “nurture” is the total sum of all experiences an individual is exposed to and impact his or her formative years. Often times a culture of mistrust is part of our developmental background. When we are raised being told that we should keep under lid any experience that could shed a “dark” shadow on our image, we tend to isolate and follow the myth. We are afraid to become vulnerable and look for help or advise even toward the people in the Body of Christ that can and are willing to help us.
Why do we need to talk about this issue?
This belief is among the common misunderstandings of how we should handle conflict in our relationships, adverse circumstances, and struggles with temptations, sins, and addictions. The truth is, silence and isolation is extremely damaging to individuals and families and keep us from experiencing God’s grace and community as He intended it for His children. Relational and personal healing and victory can only happen when we are honest with ourselves and are ready and open to get help from people that were entrusted by God and care about our growth.
Psalm 32:3-5 “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’ – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
· In the Body of Christ we are called to carry each other’s burden and to help the fallen one toward restoration.
Galatians 6:1-3 “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
· In the Body of Christ we are called to confess our sins to each other toward spiritual healing.
James 5:13-16 “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
- In the Body of Christ, on our road to spiritual maturity, we need to be mentored and to mentor others.
1 Timothy 1:1-2 “This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, appointed by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus, who gives us hope. I am writing to Timothy, my true son in the faith.
Acts 11:25-26 “Then Barnabas went on to Tarsus to look for Saul. When he found him, he brought him back to Antioch. Both of them stayed there with the church for a full year, teaching large crowds of people.”
Titus 2:3-4 “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
Titus 2:6-7 “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.”
- In the Body of Christ we, Christ’s members/parts, are called to lean on each other, for better or worse. This is why the Devil wants to isolate us from each other so he can take care of us … individually. A young couple that struggles relationally, a young person that struggles with his or her faith, anyone that struggles with sexual temptations, any Christian that is in trouble should be able to find help from the more mature Christians, that can mentor, support and help through any adverse circumstances or temptations. 1 Corinthians 12:26-27 “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”
