Author: Romeo Pelle
Busting The Myth Of “Don’t Air Out Your Dirty Laundry”
Ever heard the saying “Don’t air out your dirty laundry,” or “What happens in the family stays in the family”? (The Romanian version sounds like this: “Rufele murdare se spala in familie.”) It seems that more than other communities, our Romanian community is deeply ingrained with the belief that when something negative happens, both at individual or family levels, it should be kept and dealt with secretly.
Barriers enhancing the myth
Trust Issues:
- Personal past experiences – Often, people who struggle to trust others, have also struggled in past relationships. For these people it is especially important to undertake their healing work in order to allow them to enjoy the full possibilities of their relationships.
- Known or heard experiences of ministers/clergy that failed the trust of the community they were supposed to serve, due to their personal immoral behavior(s).
- Known or heard experiences of counselors that broke the ethical and professional standards of clergy/parishioner or counselor/client confidentiality.
- Gossip
Family & Culture Upbringing:
Human beings are (in developmental psychology terminology) a product of both “nurture” and “nature.” “Nature” refers to one’s genetic endowment, and “nurture” is the total sum of all experiences an individual is exposed to and impact his or her formative years. Often times a culture of mistrust is part of our developmental background. When we are raised being told that we should keep under lid any experience that could shed a “dark” shadow on our image, we tend to isolate and follow the myth. We are afraid to become vulnerable and look for help or advise even toward the people in the Body of Christ that can and are willing to help us.
Why do we need to talk about this issue?
This belief is among the common misunderstandings of how we should handle conflict in our relationships, adverse circumstances, and struggles with temptations, sins, and addictions. The truth is, silence and isolation is extremely damaging to individuals and families and keep us from experiencing God’s grace and community as He intended it for His children. Relational and personal healing and victory can only happen when we are honest with ourselves and are ready and open to get help from people that were entrusted by God and care about our growth.
Psalm 32:3-5 “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’ – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”
· In the Body of Christ we are called to carry each other’s burden and to help the fallen one toward restoration.
Galatians 6:1-3 “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
· In the Body of Christ we are called to confess our sins to each other toward spiritual healing.
James 5:13-16 “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
- In the Body of Christ, on our road to spiritual maturity, we need to be mentored and to mentor others.
1 Timothy 1:1-2 “This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, appointed by the command of God our Savior and Christ Jesus, who gives us hope. I am writing to Timothy, my true son in the faith.
Acts 11:25-26 “Then Barnabas went on to Tarsus to look for Saul. When he found him, he brought him back to Antioch. Both of them stayed there with the church for a full year, teaching large crowds of people.”
Titus 2:3-4 “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
Titus 2:6-7 “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.”
- In the Body of Christ we, Christ’s members/parts, are called to lean on each other, for better or worse. This is why the Devil wants to isolate us from each other so he can take care of us … individually. A young couple that struggles relationally, a young person that struggles with his or her faith, anyone that struggles with sexual temptations, any Christian that is in trouble should be able to find help from the more mature Christians, that can mentor, support and help through any adverse circumstances or temptations. 1 Corinthians 12:26-27 “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”
Author: Romeo Pelle
The Interrelation of Thoughts and Feelings
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”
Proverbs 23:7
We’ve learned that the ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will allow our minds to dwell upon. Thoughts determine the orientation of everything we do and evoke the feelings that frame our world and motivate our actions. It is because of this fact that we always remain responsible before God regarding our inner thought life, our attitudes, our judgments, our feelings, and our behavior.
Remember: “A thought has the potential to become an act; a repeated act has the potential to become a habit; our habits have the potential to decide our destiny.” (Anonymous / Popular Wisdom)
We’ll analyze the interplay between human thoughts & human feelings & human actions by watching sections of the movie “Fireproof.”
- Observe the spoken thoughts and ideas, note how they influence peoples’ feelings and how the combination of thoughts and feelings drive peoples’ actions.
- Analyze how peoples’ WRONG perceptions of reality modify their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
- Enjoy the movie!!!
SELECTION 1. – Please catch the idea: “You never leave your partner, especially in a fire!” and its applications throughout the movie.
SELECTION 2. – THE FIGHT IN KITCHEN – Note ideas, thoughts, expectations, feelings, actions and reactions.
SELECTION 3. – AT THE GYM – Observe the ideas Caleb and Michael exchange – Positive OR Negative thoughts input?
- “How that I get respect everywhere I go … except in my own house?”
- “A woman is like a rose: if you treat her right, she’ll bloom; if you don’t, she’ll wilt…”
SELECTION 4. - LUNCH – Observe the ideas Catherine and her co-workers exchange – Positive OR Negative thoughts?
- “You gotta get out …”
- “He doesn’t deserve you…”
- “I feel like we are totally incompatible …”
- Catherine’s assertion: “He’s the problem, not me…”
SELECTION 6. - Caleb’s father – Positive OR Negative input – Challenge “LOVE DARE”
- Dr. Gavin – Positive OR Negative input?
SELECTION 7 – Michael’s inputs – Positive OR Negative input?
- The ring means “a lifelong covenant.”
- “When most people promise for better or worse … they really only mean for the better!”
- “Fireproof doesn’t mean that fire will never come, but that when it comes you’ll be able to withstand it.”
- “Salt and pepper” illustration – “If you pull them apart you’ll break either one or both of them!”
- “I saw you running into a building to save people you don’t even know. But you are gonna let your own marriage just burn to the ground.”
- Caleb’s assertion: “I’m not a perfect person, but better than most. And if my marriage is failing, it’s not all my fault!”
SELECTION 8 – THE LOVE DARE
DAY 1 – “Choose to say nothing negative” James 1:19: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
DAY 2 – “Love is not based on feelings.”
DAY 3 – “Whatever you put your time, energy and money into, will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in.”
SELECTION 9 – DAY 4 – CALEB’S DOING THE DARE AS A CHORE
- CATHERINE ASKS HER COWORKERS FOR ADVICE – POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE INPUT?
SELECTION 10 – CONFRONTED ABOUT PORNOGRAPHY –
- CALEB’S DAD – “You are not a quitter… And something tells me you are doing just enough to get by!” LIKE SOME OF US IN OUR “CHRISTIAN” WALK!!!
- “I feel nothing!”
- “I understand … but this is not based on feelings; IT’S A DECISION!”
SELECTION 11 – “This is when it gets hard… You can’t listen to the way you feel at the moment!”
SELECTION 12 – “I AM A GOOD PERSON.” “How am I supposed to show love to someone over and over to someone who constantly reject me?”
SELECTION 13 – “Up to this point my heart hasn’t been in it” / “That’s what matters: A woman can tell when you’re just going through the motions!”
- “Don’t just follow your heart because your heart can be deceived. You gotta lead your heart”
SELECTION 15 – PORNOGRAPHY TEMPTATION – “Why is this so hard?”
DAY 23 – “Watch out for parasites. A parasite is anything that latches onto you or your partner and sucks the life out of you … They are in the form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, pornography. They promise pleasure but grow like a disease and consume more of your thoughts, time and money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love.”
SELECTION 19 – “I have learned that you never leave your partner, especially in a fire!”
- “Half way I realized that I didn’t know what love was!”
TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY THOUGHT – ANALYZE AND CONTROL YOUR THOUGHT LIFE
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:4
“But we have the mind of Christ, and do hold the thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart.” 1 Corinthians 2:16 (The Amplified Bible)
“Sanctify them by the truth; YOUR WORD IS THE TRUTH.” – Jesus (In Gospel of John ch.17:17)
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 2:5 (KJV)
THE PROCESS OF SPIRITUAL FORMATION IN CHRIST IS ONE OF PROGRESSIVELY REPLACING DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS, IMAGES, AND IDEAS WITH THE THOUGHTS, IMAGES, AND IDEAS THAT FILLED THE MIND OF JESUS HIMSELF!
NOTHING ENTERS THE MIND WITHOUT HAVING AN EFFECT FOR GOOD OR EVIL. IT IS A GREAT DANGER TO ALLOW ANY KIND OF IMAGES TO ENTER OUR MIND! IF GOD’S EYES “ARE TOO PURE TO BEHOLD EVIL” (HABAKKUK 1:13), WE HAD BETTER THINK IT MIGHT BE WISE FOR US TO LOOK AWAY AS MUCH AS IS FEASIBLE – EVEN IF IT’S CALLED “ENTERTAINMENT.” WE ARE TO ABHOR EVIL AND CLEAVE TO WHAT IS GOOD!
MAY GOD HELP ALL OF US!